I have to start this story a little bit early with the fiasco I faced trying to make sure I could birth at home. As the date my file was to be sent off to the hospital approached my blood pressure readings in the MW office started to climb (but were fine at home). I'd agreed to one U/S at 34 weeks to confirm that my baby was not showing any signs of intrauterine growth retardation because of decreased placental function and my babies scores were perfect and she was growing just fine. Well as my BP climbed the OBs demanded I birth in hospital, and my MW's bullied me into getting another US to get the OBs off our back. The baby's scores were perfect again but the head didn't appear to have grown at all, while the body had. Now this is the opposite of what happens with intrauterine growth retardation and there were NO examples of this in the medical literature so it was clear TO ME that the U/S was WRONG. My MW was really adamant about making me aware of every little risk there was with me birthing at home if this baby was facing growth retardation issues and every little thing that could happen to us if my BP was skyrocketting during the birth. I ended up so freaked out I went to bed for several days and refused to talk or see her. DH and I talked a lot during this time about what was happening and how I was feeling - the issues around my white coat syndrome and how I was feeling victimized again. When it was clear he was fully behind me and our decision to birth at home again I was able to relax. I had had this underlying fear that he was going to be swayed by all the "what ifs" and I'd be alone in my convictions...and subsequently my birth.

My due date was the 24th and when it came and went despite being a few cm dilated for weeks and having lost my mucous plug over and over I began to think that I was resisting going into labour because of my feelings about my MW and the way in which she'd worked me up into a panic. I still couldn't talk to her about it though but planned at my next appointment to tell her I wanted my back up MW to take over as primary care. I saw her last on the 29th and she told me she was going out of town for 5 days and I just *knew* my baby would be born during her absence.

On June 1st I woke up knowing somehow that I'd be birthing that day. I went for a three mile walk around town, bought DS some art supplies he'd been asking me about, and came home around 11am demanding sex to ease my tensions. DH and I made love and snoozed til 2pm when he started to get ready for work. When I went to the bathroom there was some pink show or was it just semen and a bit a blood from my cervix being bruised during intercourse? He asked me if I wanted him to stay home and I hemmed and hawed - I did because I was sure we'd be in labour some time soon and I wanted him to be all "there" for me, not exhausted after working all evening. At the same time, I didn't want to cry wolf. He decided to stay and if there wasn't any sign of labour by 6pm he'd go in for the second half of his shift. I was having absolutely painless light BH contractions since waking up from our nap, I could see them but not feel them at all, so I didn't bother timing them. I really wished I had my internet connection so I could chat with my friends and be reminded that a baby wasn't late until it was 14 days past due! At 5 o'clock I decided to try timing a few of these contractions they *seemed* regular and I hoped it was a sign that labour was really going to start sometime that evening. I sat on the couch in my favorite position with my huge belly and short waist - crosslegged - and watched a Pink Panther movie with DS. We tried to time contractions but because I wasn't showing any sign that I was having them DH kept missing them and it ended up I had to say "Now" and "Stop" and I wasn't even sure if I was getting them at the beginning or only at the peak, they were so absolutely painless. I had to watch my belly to sense when it began contracting. Once we sorted this out they were 4 - 5 minutes apart and 60 seconds long, and I still didn't believe I was really in labour. It was sometime around 6:30 and DH asked me if I wanted him to call the MW and I said okay but not to make her come over yet, I was sure we'd have hours to go, or that they'd stop, but as a courtesy I figured she should know I was showing some signs. He called and talked to her and she decided to come over and leave if things stopped, my first, somewhat complicated labour, had only been 5 hours so she was pretty sure this one would be shorter. She rushed over and arrived at sometime between 7:30 and 8:00 along with my mum and sister. I was just getting off a chair in the pantry when in the middle of a contraction my waters broke - WOOOSH!!! All over the kitchen floor my MW was just running in with her bag and skidded across the kitchen in the amniotic fluid (I was looking for goldfish flopping around it had been so dramatic!) I was laughing so hard! Wendey, my MW, asked where I wanted to have the baby and I told her in our room, so she and DH hauled her stuff upstairs. I sat crosslegged again on the bed watching my belly for contractions, chatting away while she flew around getting things out of her bag and water in the crockpot for the compresses, a heating pad around the receiving blankets. We discussed Harry Potter books and I tried not to laugh at the flurry of activity around me, I still didn't think I was in labour and that she's have to go home in an hour when the contractions stopped.

I very suddenly felt I wanted DH with me and was aware that there was pressure in my back (the baby was still lying in a nearly posterior position) I asked for a hot water bottle. Okay so this probably the real thing, I was prepared for a back labour. With my first labour I had wanted to curl around the contractions but with this baby I had this urgent need to arch my back during the contractions (still painless but demanding my attention now) it was like I was a bow in an invisible archers hands. I was side lying talking to DH in the time lapses between contractions and focussing on the sensation of being pulled back during contractions. At 8:30 (as I was told later) I began to sound during contractions and told everyone I could feel pressure in my bottom. The contractions were back to back, the baby was thrashing about during contractions which was a very strange sensation and I could feel her turning into a better position.

I told DH "I need to get on my hands and knees she's coming too quickly" in the breathe I had between two contractions. DH piled up pillows for me and I lunged on top of them. I lay there for a moment or two breathing thinking I was going to get a bit of a break. Then I felt the catch in my breath and was swept away by the sensation of her moving down the birth canal. I wanted some counter pressure on my vulva but I was burning up and the heat of the compresses was strange I wanted an icepack there to help cool me off. I didn't say this, a voice in my head saying "that's kinda nutty there!" I said, "I can feel the burning" and Wendey said "Her head is crowning" Already???? I breathed through the contractions consciously pushing gently to release her head, her shoulders, her hips. It only took 15 minutes. And then she was born gasping and wide eyed arms outstretched kicking with her legs. I jumped up and turned around to take her into my arms, her cord was long enough that I could hold all the way up to my breasts. Look at her! My beautiful perfect baby girl! Look at our beautiful child! Her aura shone bright white in the dim light in the room. DH and I dried her off snuggled to my chest. DS had watched me push her out and came to meet his baby sister. The cord stopped pulsing and I wanted it cut I decided, DS did it happily. I pushed out the placenta which was waiting in my vagina for me to decide to.

It was an awesome birth! Painfree and all my fears I'd had about being afraid during 2nd stage were unfounded!

June 1st 2000, at 8:58pm, 7lbs 10 oz 20 inches long (and with a perfect head!)