So how do I get in touch with my spiritual side? I sure hope I have one. Since I posted about my "spirited" mothering, and then read one of the  incredibly poetic response, and then another  post about a member's  enlightening experience, I have felt kind of... well... like I am missing out on something. Like there is a certain depth that I am lacking. I never thought of myself as shallow, but I have a really hard time connecting with the "deeper" sorts of experiences that other people rhapsodize about.

An example:

The other day, I had the unusual experience of having both kids asleep in the car at the same time. So I took advantage of it and took a drive along the coast (we live in Northern CA). The sky was crystal clear and the water was the same color blue as my baby's eyes. Behind me, patches of the hills were the same brownish-gold as my son's eyes. I parked at the beach and contemplated this for a while, listening to the waves crash, feeling the warmth of the sun through the windows but knowing it was icy cold outside, listening to the sound of my two babies breathing rhythmically, thinking how neat it was that I could see the colors of their eyes even while they slept, eyes securely closed. I remembered that the ocean was my mental "escape" place when I was in labor with my daughter, who had a waterbirth. I got a sense that there was some message in this for me. But I sat there for the longest time, until my daughter  started to stir and I had to get the car moving again toward home. And I couldn't make sense of any of it. I wound up thinking, ok, nice colors. Nature is really pretty. And that was pretty much all I got out of it (except a really pleasant hour of peace and quiet ).

So I don't know. I couldn't make poetry out of that experience. I didn't learn anything, didn't feel anything that I could put into words. No inspiration, no epiphany. Just an appreciation of nature's beauty, which I already had. And I'm wondering if there is more to me than that and I just don't know how to reach it.

I guess I'm rambling. If anyone has any thoughts on how to get in touch with one's spiritual side, or even whether or not everyone actually has one, I'd love to hear them. I'm feeling... lacking.

THE RESPONSES:

• You know, up until recently I had been having this same conversation with DH. His experiences seem the same as what you are describing and I have, at various times, questioned whether there is something different in his "soul" than in mine.

  What I've come to realize is that my DH is just very unaware of the things that *I* consider spiritual. To him, beholding a crescent moon is just beholding a crescent moon. To me, the same view is awe-inspiring when I think of the cycle of the moon and its impact on my cycle, the cycle of life, the seasons and the changing sky every night. DH has felt this lacking in himself and has asked the same questions you have to me. I tried to get him meditating and he seems to have really changed, finding more spirituality (the way *I* define it) in himself since meditating at night. He also has increased his willingness and his initiative towards outwardly practicing our/my religion at home... participating in Pagan rituals, helping to prepare them, listening to stories about their meanings. This has really helped too - the consistent practice of spirituality.

  In the past few weeks, my family and I have been dealing with some very very very stressful events. Events which, as of now, have an unpredictable outcome and could potentially change our lives. I have seen DH make a big change during all of this - it seems this pushed him over the edge and forced him to REALLY look at his soul. It forced him to look at the person that he is emotionally and spirituality and really forced him to own up to his failings both personally and in our relationship. It has forced his hand at becoming a more peaceful and spiritual being.

  So, I DO think everyone has it within themselves...I think it is socialized out of us at a very young age and it takes a lot of work to get back to that point. I don't think spirituality and religion are the same thing. I think one can be devoutly religious and completely non-spirituality at the same time but its a blurred line.

  For me, personally, I don't think I was a very spiritual person until I had my son and by nourishing him and growing with him I've been able to see my soul through him. He has taught me so much about self-esteem and self-confidence and judgment and failure and fear and love and hope and forgiveness. The baby that I lost taught me more than I could have ever thought to know about forgiveness and defensiveness. It is through my children that I have found myself, I guess... and within that self the soul of my being. It is with constant reminders to my self to be open to it and to see it and to hear it - sort of like the instincts we all have but shut out. It is through constant work and acknowledgement that my soul continues to grow.

  If you are open to it, I'd also suggest doing some chakra work - there are even some good books or meditation tapes to help with it. That also really helped DH. Visualization of the energy of your being is really good too or just a visual meditation where you seek out an answer from your subconscious. Sometimes the spirit of an event is masked and you really have to think about it and search for the meaning within it.

• Spirituality doesn't have to be fancy. Being inspired by nature doesn't work for some people. I admit that nature is not my primary spiritual inspiration either. I'm more the type to be sitting outside saying "man it's hot out here and I wish these damn bugs would stop biting me." I do feel a spiritual connection to nature in certain settings - when staring at a vast expanse of fresh water or mountains - but I don't find much inspiration here in flat, dry Texas unless I'm looking really hard.

  Meditation might help you. This doesn't have to be anything fancy. You could try taking 10-15 minutes to just sit quietly, with no TV or other distractions, and try to clear your mind. I came to a greater awareness of my own spirituality through yoga and the "mindfulness" it teaches. Mindfulness basically means being aware of what is going on around you and within you, even the mundane things that might seem insignificant. Developing a sense of the preciousness of time can help too - you will never again have today, with these two children so small. That might sound like a cliche, but if you can appreciate this very moment and the uniqueness of *today* and how it will someday change, it teaches you to value what you have in general. You could also try keeping a gratitude journal, where each day you write just a few lines (or more if you're inspired) about the things you're thankful for that day. I think spirituality is about learning what makes your life have meaning and choosing consciously to focus on that rather than only looking for what you want.

  I probably sound like Oprah (only less coherent) and I apologize! Something that might be a good start is the book "Everyday Blessings: The Inner Work of Mindful Parenting" by Jon & Myla Kabat-Zinn. It's an introduction to a lot of spiritual concepts, but using attached parenting as the springboard.

• Do you have any links to meditation information? I did some yoga in college and tried meditation but I could never do it. My mind simply would not clear. Part of the problem now is that it's so rare for me to have any quiet time. The kids hardly ever nap at the same time, and if I try to just sit quietly and relax my brain after they're both asleep at night, I just fall asleep!

  But back to meditation and the specifics. I never could figure out HOW to meditate. My mind is just so active all the time. I remember when we were taking Bradley classes during my 2nd pregnancy, the teacher identified me as an active-brain type of person and gave DH some really specific tools for distraction during labor tailored to people like me who can't just shut off and go to that relaxed place. Does this make any sense at all? My yoga teacher always said, meditation is just shutting off your brain. But I could never figure out HOW! Was he right? How did you learn to meditate?

• I had a REALLY REALLY hard time learning to meditate... while everyone else would talk about this quietness of mind, I could never get there. I couldn't stop thinking. First of all, meditation is about being aware of your mind and your presence and your surroundings. It takes practice for meditation to become a "relaxed" state and I can honestly say it was anything but when I first started meditating.

  Earlier this year I had a meditation appointment while at a spa (instead of getting a massage, I chose to learn to meditate)... The "instructor" really taught me something. She taught me to tune into the thoughts I was having... for example, since our session was outside, I kept hearing cars and I used that as a reason I couldn't concentrate to meditate. She had me focus on all the sounds around me including the cars but to train my mind to NOT identify the sounds, just feel them. After struggling with this for what seemed like forever but could have been only a few minutes, I finally understood and I started trying this even when I was in public places. Just to feel the sounds but let all conceptions of them slide away.

  But, for me, probably the MOST helpful thing I learned towards becoming better at meditation and really solving the puzzle FOR ME was that I COULD think. I encourage you to read some Buddhist books on meditation and I highly recommend The Beginners Guide to Zen Buddhism because its focus is on just what I'm about to tell you, going into great detail.

  An entry level Buddhist student learns zazen meditation. This type of meditation involves counting. You begin counting 1-10 "1, 2, 3,..." not fast, just counting. When you find that you have strayed from counting - and you will - just restart at 1. The practice here is just becoming aware to your thoughts and your presence. The key is that you are SUCCEEDING when you catch yourself NOT counting. You are becoming more and more mindful. At first, you might not catch yourself until after you've thought through tonight's meal and the next 5 nights as well, maybe even mentally making your shopping list then suddenly "Hey, I'm supposed to be counting".. but with surprisingly little practice, you'll soon only get through one night's meal before you're to the "Hey, I'm supposed to be counting" stage. Doing this type of meditation repeatedly really helped me to focus on and find the true essence of meditation for me.

  I have found the more often I practiced this type of meditaiton, the more mindful I became both while meditating and during normal activity - I was suddenly finding myself REALLY tuned into what was happening within me all of the time. I don't think you shut off your brain to meditate, I think you train yourself to be in control of your brain..where you want to go. I often use meditation to start a visualization for myself....letting my subconscious come out after I've rested and meditated for awhile. I really had to get away from thinking that sitting in a meditation posture and breathing right would make my brain stop...my brain doesn't stop..it's what I do with it.

  I also believe, like the others in this thread, that spirituality is individual.. my practice isn't necessarily going to fit you and what someone else does isn't necessarily going to fit me but I hope some or any of this will give you a starting ground to jump from.

  As for links, no, I don't have any links for meditation - you could try spiritweb.com

• I have an overly active brain too. Actually what helped me most, personally, was a video: Yoga Journal's Yoga for Meditation with Rodney Yee. The video is divided into five 10-minute segments, and the last two are straight meditation. The first of the meditation segments is a guided meditation instructing you to focus on your breathing. He suggests you "invite" your breath higher throughout the meditation until finally you get to a point where you are breathing so deeply and so focused on it that it is positively intoxicating. My DH says that he literally feels high after doing it. I think that once you do that, you have calmed your mind through the consciousness on the breath and you are able to be more receptive to just sitting still in meditation.

  I'm not sure if that makes any sense without seeing the video. If you can't get your hands on the video, I would suggest just sitting and focusing on your breathing, gradually trying to breathe more deeply and allow more air into your lungs. Sometimes just focusing so intently on that calms your mind, and relaxes your body too. Actually, for me, focusing on *any* one thing helps me calm my mind. For example, if I have bad menstrual cramps (or contractions, considering I'm pg!), I'll close my eyes and visualize the color orange over my uterus - and it works! You can do this even while lying in bed, before falling asleep. This goes along with some of what the above member said about chakras - each of the chakras corresponds to certain parts of the body, and each chakra has a color associated with it. I got a cantaloupe-sized ovarian cyst to go away about a year ago by doing chakra healing and color visualization. There's some info on this at Caroline Myss' website http://www.myss.com - but if you can get her book Anatomy of the Spirit, even better!

• I think that when you do have such an active mind, (I do as well) that it takes good instruction. Finding the right tool, the right instructor, the right tape is what did it for me. I "needed" to listen to what was being said, and yes, time is a key. Time management is essential to finding the right atmosphere to meditate. You just have to juggle what can work for you, and perhaps changing a few things around, because being in touch with your spiritual side, I believe, is vital in being a good parent, a wife/life partner, a good person, good to yourself is number one. If you're not good to yourself, than you're not good to anyone else. Meditating is something that used to turn me off, only because I hadn't found the right guidance to do so. I used to fall asleep, and that wasn't what I was looking for, I could do that in my own bed. But, after doing some time management, some juggling, and finding the right yoya tape (in my case) I have finally found my third eye, my peace, my spirit. For many, classes work better. But for me, meditation, yoga, any kind of working on my body, mind and spirit is a personal thing. I love Wailana, she's on TBS, and she's cool for me. She's taught me a lot.

• I agree that being inspired by nature doesn't work for everyone. It is/was just not my thing. I always hear people say that they go to the woods and just "get it." I never have. I am actually quite jumpy in the woods...especially if I am alone. The ocean...well that is a bit different. I do seem to be able to find a lot of serenity in the sea (grew up summering on Martha's Vineyard Island, though, so that may have something to do with it!). But overall, where I find "the feeling" is in churches or other holy places (even a local nun's convent will inspire and quiet me)...but mostly, I find "it" in the everyday. Those magical moments with my children - you know the ones - just send me swimming in gratitude and spirit. The moments where thoughts/prayers/intentions are answered/come to be...for instance, something as simple as this just *inspires* me -- My children  and I were taking a walk in a nature reserve next to my house (me-- having all kinds of thoughts about what I would do if a bear appeared, etc....drives me nuts!) ANYWAY....I thought to myself how cool it would be for my daughter to see a snake. I asked the powers that be, or made an intention, of seeing a snake. I just was really open and honest. I walked along looking ahead waiting to see a snake. ~Then I just sort of forgot about it. I suddenly noticed the river and wheeled my son's jogger over so he could see the water -- just a spontaneous move. We roll up to the guard rail and I look down on the ground in front of us --- a snake. I called my daughter over and as we looked at the snake I was just so *overcome.* It was "a moment" -- I was in spirit. That is just a little story, but it happens all of the time. I just am always looking for the miracles-- for the things in life to be grateful for, and they arrive, large and small. DH is always telling me to watch out for what I am thinking about or intending, because it usually occurs. AND I am *ALWAYS* grateful and humbled. When I stopped working a few years ago all of the $$$ numbers did not add up. I put my faith out there (in God) and asked for help -- to raise our children the way they deserved to be raised. Dh's work started pouring in. We bought a new car (which we soooo needed!) and we bought a beautiful house in the country, our other one was getting too small.

  Ok-- I guess this is pretty long. My point is, I find "it" -- spirit -- in everyday life and from being grateful. I will mention Oprah as well (she is awesome).... start a Gratitude Journal. At the end of everyday you just write down 5 things you are grateful for THAT DAY. It really helps you to focus and begin to live a life of simple, deep moments.

• Spirituality. It is not about so much how, what, where or even why, it is about the all of everything. It is about the moment, the feeling, the experience of "being". It is most importantly very simple. So, that moment for you, in the quiteness of your car, looking out over the ocean, hearing the rhythmic breathing of your sleeping children & seeing/knowing the colour of their eyes in the water & the sky was in fact very much a spiritual moment. Spirituality is largely simplicity. It is not complicated. It does not require anything of you. It is not about "getting there." It is always with you. I also want to say that there is no one right way to feel or be spiritual. It is unique to YOU. A book I would HIGHLY recommend is The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success by Deepak Chopra.

• Yes! My spiritual path has taken me from a very "ritual" based place to a place where - the MOMENT is what is important. The moment is where I find my spiritual base. I sit warm from a bath connecting across the ether with womyn around the globe, that is my spiritual MOMENT right now. My hands in warm water washing dishes spiralling around a plate like a full moon - that MOMENT. Squatting my daughter over the sink as she poops she locks eyes with me in the mirror and I breathe in...the warm smell of breastfed poopies, the feel of her spine against my soft belly, the warm chubby thighs in my hands - the spiritual is in the MOMENT. Walking to the postbox feeling my legs work beneath me strong, breathing in cold cold air the sting of winter on my face and the warm wriggling girl in the trekker reminding me of how warm I really am. The MOMENT. I feel so blessed - whether I am pooping, cooking, cleaning, nursing, washing diapers, or sliding into bed between my daughter and my son. THE MOMENT. Savour them and take the time to live in them, without thinking about before, about after.

• For me, its been a constantly evolving process. I was raised Catholic, and I remember *trying* really hard to "get" spirituality from that religion, and always feeling hollow or forced about it -- like something was missing, or lacking. When I got to college, and discovered feminism, it was an intellectual, as well as spiritual, awakening for me. I realized I could no longer call myself a Catholic, but really wasn't ready to call myself anything else (being raised Catholic, it was *very* difficult for me to think that I just go and "pick" another religion instead). So, for years, I substituted a liberal, feminist, civic humanism as my spirituality/faith, and that was "okay" for a while, but again, it seemed that something was missing.

  Pregnancy/motherhood truly awakened my spiritual side. I remember being in awe of my body's power to create and nurture life. I remember those first weeks of nursing my sweet baby by the moonlight, and feeling as powerful as the Goddess herself, knowing that I had created this most perfect, wondrous creature, and feeling the most amazing surges of confidence, faith, and trust in my self. I wanted to bottle that feeling, and carry it with me in my every day life, because I instinctively knew that my soul had come alive. Truthfully, I also remember being somewhat afraid of it all, as if I wasn't quite ready to face the overwhelming sense of power and light that surrounded me - having serious self-esteem issues, I wondered if I deserved such feelings of empowerment and amazement. I am still struggling, in this respect, to realize, recognize,and respect my own worth.

  Since then, I have had a renewed sense of my spirituality, and have experienced many powerful, everyday MOMENTS of spirituality in which I have cried tears of joy for the blessings bestowed upon me. But I am/was still searching, for some ritualistic forms of spiritual expression, and especially for a form of spirituality that I could share with my family -- I wanted to infuse new (old?) meanings into "traditional" holidays and have a sense of spirituality to replace/supplement/etc. the catholic faith in which I was raised. I have always held an affinity for earth-based, animistic faiths, and so I knew I wanted a way to incorporate concepts of harmony, peace, balance, etc., into ritualistic expressions of spirituality.

  And lately I have found myself "drawn" to this path. I have spent months of intense introspection, and am beginning to see new forms of spirituality take shape before me. It's still not clear to me what specific "path" lies before me, but I do feel a true sense of wonderment and enchantment, and look forward to what lies ahead.

  Gosh, this is all very long-winded of me, I guess I am telling you all this because it helps explains the constant JOURNEY of spirituality in my life, rather than some final "destination." In those moments when I have opened myself up, and allowed myself to just "be" in the moment, I have experienced incredible moments of spirituality. I think that moment you described was such a moment for you, and just "being" mindful and aware of that blessing is enough to get out of that moment. THAT was your motherspirit at that moment. Trying to make sense of the larger picture, or where it fits into your overall sense of spirituality, is what's got you confused, I think. But just keep mindful of those moments, allow yourself to FEEL that warmth, and the inspiration will come.

• After reading the initial post my first thought was, yes, I believe some people can be *aspiritual* just like I believe some people are asexual. I've been thinking lately that I am aspiritual. But I kept reading, and I thought hey--I have those *moments*, too! So now I'm left wondering if my definition of spiritual is too narrow and restrictive.

  I was raised a "Christmas & Easter" Catholic. I don't believe that either of my parents have a strong faith, at least not one that they demonstrate. I have a lot of problems with the rules and patriarchy of the church. I realized when I got married that I could care less if I got married in the/a church or not. When my daughter was born and I began to think more about religious "upbringing" I realized that I don't believe there is a god or higher power. That makes me an athiest, right? I know that there are many belief systems out there and if I looked around I might find something that fit. But frankly, I am not interested in a search. Seeing that written down, and saying it out loud to my computer screen, I can see how that would make me sound shallow; but I don't think I am a shallow person.

  Like I said, I do have *moments.* During labor I drew strength from the millions of women who labored before me. I feel a sense of connectedness to other women, both past and present. There are times (not always, because I hate to be too cold or too hot!) that I have an appreciation of nature and am quite amazed by it. And my children! I have learned so much from staying focused in the moment with them. But I tend to frame such times (when I nurse my baby and she burrows so close to me with her little face and fists!)in terms of being grateful, and being aware of my awesome responsiblities as a parent. I don't think "wow! this is spiritual!"

  Do you think that my definition of spiritual is too closely tied with that of "church" and that is why I feel I am not spiritual? Sometimes I wonder if the reason I am not interested in doing the work of any kind of spiritual "journey" is because right now I am putting so much of my energy into growth as a mother and wife while trying to learn all I can about healthy eating, and keeping my kids healthy the natural way. But then, I know of many people who consider their spirituality as important to their lives as food, and don't put it on hold while they work on other areas of their lives, so there goes that theory.

• These responses have helped me A LOT to see that its not that I am lacking in spirituality, but that I am not recognizing it within myself. That moment that I had with the sleeping kids at the beach was, yes, a spiritual moment. Where I got stuck was in trying to figure out what it all MEANT, what was I supposed to LEARN from it, how did it change or enhance me as a person, how did it link me with my Creator or my sister women.

  After I dwelt on the responses to my post, I realized that none of that was crucial to the spirituality of that moment. What mattered most was that the moment WAS, and I was there in it. The fact that I can't come up with an eloquent explanation of how that moment fits into the bigger picture doesn't make me aspiritual. Maybe someone who was aspiritual would not have even noticed that the moment was special. I am feeling much better about myself as I try to focus on just the moments and forget about their meaning. Maybe that's the key for you too... forget about trying to define or explain your spirituality and just enjoy those moments.

  I don't mean to sound as though I have completed my journey to spirituality. I still wish I could see things more deeply than I do. To me, right now, a crescent moon is still just a crescent moon. (Then again, I have been amenorrhic for so long that I don't feel a cyclic connection even when it's pointed out to me!) For the time being, I will be focusing on just being in the moment when it happens, enjoying it, appreciating it. Maybe with time, the deeper meanings will make themselves apparent. Then again, maybe that's just not part of me. I'll take it a little bit at a time. I still wish I had that eloquence though!

• I also definately feel that my pseudo-Catholic upbringing has challenged my attempts at achieveing a deeper sense of true spirituality. For some people I think organized religions help them; the sense of community, tradition, ritual, etc. can all be integral parts of a person's spirituality. But that doesn't *have* to come from that source...you can draw all of those things from various other aspects of your life.

  I found my biggest obstacle to be that Catholocism is kind of "all or nothing," so I felt that if I didn't agree with one aspect, I was hypocritial for embracing those aspects that I honored. I hope I don't sound like I'm Catholic-bashing--that is not my intent at all. I'm just trying to voice the struggle that I deal with in my head in respect to my so-called Catholocism. My theory has been that I can't go wrong by trying to live by "the golden rule" and trying to set the best example of respect, love, and caring for my son. But I'm still kind of torn... I wonder what I'll tell my son about religion (in the organized sense) when he's old enough to wonder.

• My dear womyn, if what you experienced and wrote in your post wasn't poetic, than I'd like to read something that really inspires you. As I read your post, my shoulders relaxed suddenly, my breath was deeper, the wrinkles in my face disappeared, and surprisingly I was smiling. I needed this. Your spirit reached out for the quietness of your children's sleep, the color of the ocean, the color of the hills, matching the color of your children's eyes. Your spirit sought out the warmth of the sun, the sound of crashing waves. Your spirit is what drove you to park and indulge in the nature that surrounded you. Your spirit was hungry for it. You followed your spirit, and you were allowed to experience pure beauty for just seconds. I believe you are very much in tune with your spiritual side, proven by the very poetic description of your experience, which touched me, and I am only a reader of your confusion. Appreciating nature is your spiritual side, as nature reaches out to us and our spirits in so many ways. The nature of beauty is not just what you see, but obviously what you felt by what you described. To feel, is to be in touch with your spirit. Your spirit comes to you at different times, different ways, but is always in you, and your spirit never dies. Your spirit is stronger than you, stronger than your body, stronger than your heart, but all is relevant when your spirt is in mind.

• I was in your shoes a year ago. And then I realized I didn't believe in "spirituality" as it was defined by other people. You see, I am an atheist. I do not believe in gods, goddesses (except the womyn here at MS :-P), spirits, or a "higher" plane of existance. For a while I was jealous of those who seemed to have a rich spiritual life - it seemed that I was lacking.

  However, there is plenty to celebrate, cherish, and care for on this planet for many lifetimes. I guess I'm sentimental rather than spiritual... When I look at the moon, I think "Wow, it is beautiful." I feel pride and awe that we as a race have visited there. I love working in the garden. Growing the flowers and vegetables that grace my table is one way that I care for my family. I cherish the fact that my family lives near by, and they care enough to visit, and the way my Dad's face lights up when presented with a home grown tomato and a shaker of salt. Making those you love happy is important. I love sharing my pregnancy with other mothers. I feel connected to all womyn. I love revisiting the "old times" with my husband. It reminds us of the strength of our bond. I love celebrating anything. The coolness of a color, fleece pants, kraft dinner, the internet, and cats. And I'm finally happy.

• You put it into words for me-sentimental rather than spiritual. I think that's the difference I have been struggling with, that line between appreciating a moment and finding the greater meaning in it. But by easing up on myself and not trying to find greater meaning in everything (which I had always equated with spirituality), I have found that spirituality can exist just in the sentimental appreciation of the moment. I hope that makes sense!

  So just as I have been learning about myself, there may be spirituality in your life too, just not the kind that you expected.