cultivated by community
Man, I didn’t realize this was going to be so hard. We starting trying again this cycle and the past week has been grueling. I am looking at every action of my body and analyzing it “Could this mean I’m pregnant; I have this symptom and that symptom and this symptom.”
The day after I’m fairly sure I ovulated and dh and I had sex, my son lifted up my shirt and said “baby”. Freaked me out. My mucus isn’t “normal” for after my period. I’ve been having REALLY violent dreams again – something that normally only happens to me when I’m pregnant…but then, I think, I’m making this all up with my wishful thinking.
I oh-so understand those obsessional thoughts & feelings.
I remember so well the cycle my daughter was conceived (and the unsuccessful one before that, where I was *convinced* based on my “symptoms” that I was pregnant and infact wasn’t…and that said something to me, even if it took retrospect to see it). Anyhow I remember how obsessed I got with the whole thing. It was tiring and exciting and how I wished at times that there was an “off” button. This is a hard one as I think it is so intrinsically linked with the nature of the womyn involved. Take me for example,Ii am so prone to throw myself into things that I’ve had to teach myself as I’ve grown that it is okay to do things gently and slowly, that this isn’t being uncommited or doing it by halves. I s’pose some would say that i am an “all or nothing” person, but I would like to think that over the years I’ve cultivated this to work to my advantage So where it counts I am very all or nothing, parenting being a great example! Yet in other areas of my life I’ve learnt to be more relaxed and okay about taking time or the long-road (so to speak). With TTC I tried to be relaxed and I have to say I failed drastically *LOL*!! So words of wisdom I have not, but loads of understanding I have! If you can switch off the obsessing for awhile, do try! It will make the weeks easier and quicker! However if you can’t be GENTLE on giving yourself time-out (and I couldn’t!), maybe create a nightly affirmation, saying something like..”I will walk in trust and be at peace with this process. What will happen will happen when the time is right and it is important that I respect this. In the mean time I will be gentle on myself and give love to my body for its efforts”….this is just an idea and of course you can change it to suit you. However I do really recommend an affirmation as it will help you through this time.