So how do you protect your child from religious intolerance? Here's the background... nearly everyone on my street goes to the same Catholic church. The few people who don't are either Jewish and all go to the same temple or aren't part of the "community" that my neighborhood has. By that I mean, there are a core group of us that live on this street that ALL play outside nearly every night from 4-6 pm.. All the children play together, the parents chat or whatever, there are parties for every holiday, they make banners when babies come or when children start their first day of school or something special of the sort.

Every last Wednesday of the month is Mommy Bunko night... all the daddies watch the little ones (except the nursing infants who come with mommy) and the Mommies gather at someone's house to play Bunko (dice game). Two Bunko nights ago I "came out of the closet" when some questions were asked and I could either lie or be honest and I chose to be honest. I basically said I was Pagan and that I followed Celtic based studies. While I consider myself Pagan Buddhist - I didn't want to get into the whole thing about Buddhism not really having anything to do with a "God" or "Goddess" but a daily practice of mindfulness and so, one could be Christian Buddhist or whatever. I explained how I came to be Pagan when asked and when asked about my children I said I hoped to raise them with a well-rounded education about all religions so that they'd not have to struggle with finding what felt right to them like I did.

The following Bunko night was a discussion about the annual "Breakfast with Santa" that the street does. One of the foremost Catholics on the street (I say that meaning most vocal, involved, religious) stated in front of me to a mother who is Catholic but who's DH is Jewish so they celebrate both religions that this year they wanted people on the street of other religions to talk about their religions so the children could learn about other things... they did not ask me although I was standing there.

I've been feeling a little bit of "cold shoulder" from this particular parent since this "coming out" and I'm a little uncomfortable about it. Then last night while we were outside a mention was made of a program people want to go to and it was said it's "Christian-based" and this mother made a comment stating "Well, children need to be raised Christian... without it this world is going to degrade" or something of the sort. I was, again, standing right there. The gist of her comment was basically that non-Christians are immoral in some way and the cause of the problems in society... or, at least, that's how I took what she was saying.

Is it just me or do most Christians truly believe that they are the only moral people in society? How do they account for this obvious prejudice in light of their own religions intolerance, immoral conduct and other religions that practice peacefulness? More than that, I'm concerned that MY preferences are going to affect how my son is judged and viewed by his peers and neighbors and how I can help him to understand, even now, the impact of that and how to deal with it. I feel as if I've compromised his "safety" in some way - both emotional and physical in later years when, if he were to go to school or be around children whose parents may have said "Oh that child isn't _____" or something.

THE RESPONSES:

• I work very hard at helping my son and others see the similarities in our paths. Christmas is a prime example - don't feel you need to be in the broom closet - show them that all the holly, mistletoe, tree decorating, and lights all over the place are part of celtic/northern teutonic winter solstice celebrations.

  I know plenty of inclusive Christians through the UU church, but in general most active Catholics seem to think they are the only moral people around, and they are really quite blind to their own intolerance. Toeing the party line means being purposely blind to Catholicism's greatest strength - absorbing the traditions of the cultures and religions they conquered by force because the people would have still practiced their own religions in secret if they didn't include them in the "catholicization" of their nations. Usually pointing out all the paganism in Catholicism is very threatening to them.

• Well, that's part of the problem. When I've made comments about how this holiday or that holiday element is really Pagan in nature I'm met with a less than welcome reception. For instance, this same mother goes balls to the walls for Halloween and I'd love to explain the tradition and meaning behind the holiday itself but know it would never be accepted or even welcomed. I would love to share this type of education - the similarities in the path which I'm really seeing the more educated I become not only about Paganism but Buddhism as well... but the other side isn't available to see it.

• I find it so depressing that people who call themselves Christian are so judgmental of others. It was not Christ's nature to judge, nor did he. Christians sometimes forget how to interact with other people of other denominations, just like everyone else. We should invite and accept the differences of others.

• One of the nice things about having eclectic beliefs (I too am Pagan-Buddhist, but much more Buddhist) is that I can choose what to tell people about my beliefs. I can emphasize different aspects depending on the person I'm speaking with because it isn't an easy classification - i.e. if you say you're Jewish everyone knows what that set of beliefs is about. Most people have no clue what Buddhism is about, but if I'm the only Buddhist they know, then my behavior will be how they view the whole religion. I'm uncomfortable with that, so I avoid labeling myself.

  Around certain people (particularly if the relationship is valuable), I choose words and labels carefully. Around my strict Irish Catholic family, for example, I would never utter the word "pagan." I used phrases like "earth-based spirituality" and when they predictably ask what that means, I can explain the beliefs. They don't put together that what I'm describing is pagan, and we avoid the unpleasant conflict that would arise from their strong prejudice against the mere word 'pagan.' But I choose to do this because wearing the specific label "pagan" means little to me. If I felt that that term defined me well, I would use it with pride. I will explain my beliefs as they are, but choose not to use "hot button" terms unless necessary - and unless someone *really* wants details, it's rarely necessary to go there.

  I do relate - I live in the town that is home to the Southern Baptist Convention, and people here can be downright hostile if you are a different religion. I've overheard people here having discussions about how Catholicism is a cult! DH and I have both had our cars vandalized, even though we live in a neighborhood where such incidents are otherwise rare - we're sure it's because he has a Darwin fish on his car, and my car bears a sticker that reads "Last time we mixed politics and religion, people got burned at the stake." We have both had coworkers tell us that not only were we going to Hell, but that we didn't deserve to be parents because we're raising our child without God. We are trying to raise Logan without religious prejudices, and when/if he encounters such prejudice himself for not being Christian, we will explain why some people act funny about religion.

  Yet even still you can sometimes smooth the way with such people. I have a large tattoo on my leg of a dharma wheel and knew that when I went to a family gathering with SIL's relatives (many of whom are Baptist clergy) that the tattoo and its meaning would come up. I *really* did not want to deal with a discussion of my beliefs with them. And so when they of course asked about it, rather than telling them it was a Buddhist symbol and going into detail about the four truths and the eightfold path, I summarized what it meant. I said simply "It represents a commitment to my spiritual beliefs, which include honor, compassion, truth and discipline." How can even the strongest fundamentalist argue with you when you say those are part of your spiritual practice?

  Finally, I don't want to incite a huge riot here on the topic of Christians who think they're the moral authority. When really provoked I could rant on that for hours, but I will say that I've come to accept that it is part of their beliefs to be judgmental. To me, it's just like the vaccine debate - most people's paradigms are so deeply ingrained that to even consider that another's beliefs might be valid threatens their own. If my Irish Catholic grandma fears for my son's soul because I didn't have him baptised, it's not that she doesn't love him or respect my views - rather the opposite; she is afraid for us. If your religion teaches that there's only one way and the consequences are grave if you depart from it, believing that someone else on a different path might be equally okay topples the house of cards because then you'd have to re-evaluate your religion. I've come to view people who are very judgmental in the name of their religion as constantly reassuring themselves of their own beliefs rather than that they're really hurting me...it's just what they feel they have to do.

• I agree with what you say about it being hard to separate judgment from Christianity. I mean that in the kindest possible way. I will give you some back ground. My closest friend in this town is a Christian womyn. She is the most giving and sweet womyn I know. She constantly sees all the things I strive to do, comments on them and helps to lift me up spiritually by keeping spirituality constantly on my mind. (Just the other night we talked for 8 hours straight about religion.) She has nothing but good things to say about me and my family and it has been a blessing to know her since before I did I had a different view of Christianity.

  Even with all this love and respect she still thinks I am going to hell. Now I know that sounds awful but it is the truth. Even she struggles with the part of her religion which dictates this but I understand that to be a womyn of her faith she must believe what god has told her to be true no matter how hard that is for her. I do not take it personally because I know that to her my not being allowed into heaven is a truth that she can not change. And she knows that to me we will both be reincarnated but are in different places as far as our trip towards enlightenment.

  It is easy to understand and accept that she has some beliefs about my religion because I know she is coming from a place of love and striving to understand. I find it much harder to take these judgements from others who know nothing about me, who condemn me and paint me with their "Pagan/Devil worshiper" brush. To these people it is easy to not see their views as religious intolerance because they just convince themselves we are not a religion.

  I know that this is really a hard situation but I guess the best advice I can give is to remain strong and true to your self. I have been told straight out by another mom that she will NOT let her children play with other children who do not go to Church. It hurts at the time but trust that Karma will take care of such things, they will understand one day and perhaps knowing a strong, moral, compassionate Pagan as yourself will help them to see the error of their ways.

• Ugh! I think I am guilty of this in some ways although not on the religion front. I think that I try to be very open to people of different beliefs. I guess that is because I am still searching (although "Christian Buddhist" sounds good) and talking to people of different faiths can teach me a lot. I think that when you are set in your ways (like your neighbor), have not been exposed to much else but one or two ways of thinking, it boxes you in. Your way becomes the *only* way. It is a sad and closed way to be, I think....one that has no room for new learning and growing. Think of how much you and your neighbor could learn from each other! *She* seems to be missing an opportunity here. I see two ways to handle it -- one, keep on being the way you are, and two, talk openly with her about it all. Ask her over for coffee, sit down and say, "You know, I have noticed some uncomfortable moments since we spoke about religion...and I wanted to get together to talk things over, to get to know each other better. Maybe you know she is not the kind of person you can do that with, however. I wish you luck with this one!

  I think I may have been on both sides of the "you are different than me" stick. I have felt a bit on the outside in groups of "mainstream" parents -- ones who have gasped at FB, extended nursing, etc...AND I think *I* have been guilty of pushing people out of my circle when I learn that they chose a different path than me. I have mostly done this to parents I know that have babies that have been in FT daycare centers since early infancy. I really have been guilty of that...*I* have been the one with the cold shoulder - and I find that I can't help it. I know it is really judgmental of me...but I just get so ~*~UPSET~*~ when they talk about how their baby (10 weeks old, etc) did this or that at daycare...urrgh. It is just better for me not to be around these people, trust me, I just can't keep my mouth shut. Also, I have a friend that just recently put her two children in daycare (one almost 3, the other 10 months). She used to make me talk to her DH on the phone and tell him about all of my experience in dc centers - why I feel parental/family care is best...now she suddenly decides to put her kids in daycare (not a desperate money thing, really). She also circed both children, they had no meds and she did not go with them (never wanted to try BF- "eeww, gross", etc). I am starting to wonder how/why we are "friends" - what do we have in common at all? I even am starting to catch myself looking badly toward her because of these choices. Urrg! Makes me mad. Well, here is just a story of someone (me) who does/has given other women the cold shoulder because of life choices. I do know what it is like to work and have a baby (did it for awhile with #1), I have a college background and working experience in daycare's and as a trainer...so I am sure *not* thinking outside my personal box is the problem. I just think daycare sucks...and I do judge parents for that. Drives me nuts - wish I could be more open about it.

• If you really want to look at judgment in your life I would encourage you to look at Buddhism as an avenue to explore it - I promised myself at the beginning of this year (or maybe a little earlier when I began to really notice it - especially online) that I would work on being so judgmental both IRL and online. I didn't like the feeling it evoked in me and, while I feel passionately about certain things, I also realized that there is a way to educate and inform without judgment and without hate. I found that Buddhism really helped me to see just how to deal with that judgment in myself and how it pertained to me and why I needed to feel that way or why being judgmental was making me feel a certain way. Don't get me wrong, I still find myself cringing at certain things or "gossiping" to DH about hearing something on the street or "did you see that lady do _____" when we're out but I'm also very aware of those feelings in myself now and realize that it reflects on how I'm feeling in some way. Meditation has really helped a lot for me in this regard as well as just learning about the path of the Buddha and what it means to be mindful and awake during your daily life.

• I had a very very hard time with judging people and Buddhism was a good vehicle for exploring that for me, also. It helped me reveal some things in myself that were part of the reason for why I was being so judgmental. Buddhism and/or meditation is an individual path, so I can't say exactly what you'd learn during the process or how it would unfold for you. But generally the more you sit with yourself and explore your own paradigms, the more you come to understand others as well.

  FWIW you are not alone in using the 'Christian Buddhist' term! There is a book by Thich Nhat Hanh (who is Buddhist), called Going Home: Jesus and Buddha as Brothers. It's interesting reading, if you'd like to check it out.