I'm doing my "research" on potty learning and was wondering what your experiences were? I'm trying to decipher the difference between interest and readiness. My daughter is 22 months. Any thoughts?

THE RESPONSES:

• I can only speak from my limited personal experience, and I am not sure if I ever figured out the difference myself of not - but I do have a dd who knows something. LOL!!!

  My MIL started PUSHING "potty training" at around NINE MOS!!!!!! She was flat out berating me when my daughter turned one and had never sat on the potty. I just refused to "train" and was waiting until my daughter showed interest. At about 16 mos she started really "watching" me whenever I went. She would ask questions, like "Mama wipe?" and "me help, yes?" LOL... Around that time I put out a small potty next to mine. Everytime I went she would come with me, sometimes sitting (fully clothed) on the potty and sometimes not. I never said a word other than to answer questions. Around 19 mos she suddenly told me "Mama, I pee pee potty, yes?" and she ran to the potty and sat down and peed. She made almost a ritual out of saying bye bye to her pee and emptying it into the big potty and flushing. I thought it was a weird thing but turns out to be pretty common. I never even had a chance to worry about the poop part because one day she just brought me the bowl with poop in it and proudly told me "I did it! - wipe me mama!" And all of this in the course of about 2 weeks - with ZERO effort, even encouragement, on my part. The only thing I do think facilitated her learning was the fact that I let her run naked just about every day. So many people have hang ups about that - I never realized until I started getting comments...

  We had our occasional naptime or nighttime accident but we never pressured, never shamed, and never really encouraged either - we would just matter of factly clean it up together, then offer a diaper (no pressure or shame, just a question in case she felt she still needed the security) she never wanted a diaper. Today she is completely out of diapers, wakes up in the middle of the night and uses the big potty by herself (though I almost always hear her and am near enough to assist if necessary).

  I also always bring her little potty in the car - it has been used more times than I ever imagined - and I think had I not we would not be where we are today - she needed to know that WHENEVER, WHEREVER, she could go without being *forced* to either hold it or wet her pants. I think that I am the exception rather than the rule, but I do think that what I learned here was that as long as you do not put your own timetable/pressure/issues onto your child he or she will take it upon themselves to show YOU how to help them.

  I did dabble with EC when she was younger but I will be totally honest here - I was too damned lazy to do it. LOL.

• I agree about the potty in the car. My son wouldn't use the little potty, but at least for him, even though it isn't "ok" really, if he absolutely HAD to go, I'd let him at the park behind bushes.

  Remember to always find out where the bathrooms are in all your favorite hangouts. (grocery store, kmart, target etc) Make sure they always go before leaving home. I would ask my kids to try to make "magic pee" come out before we left, they'd say 'don't have to go' but usually with the magic pee term they'd get a bit out. Even now as they are older, they know if we say, magic pee time, they all need to try because it will be a while before we have access to a toilet.

  Don't forget lots of changes of clothes too, and don't worry if they ask to go back in diapers. I let my middle daughter go back in them for a bit, and after she got a bit more confidence, she was ready a lot faster. My friend's daughter would put a diaper on for pooping, she just couldn't handle the "splash." My friend finally figured out to teach her to put paper in the pot first. (Don't know if this is a common problem or not.)

• My son went through several phases of potty interest. The first was at around 18 mos and was very brief. (My mother was stunned when we "let" him go back into diapers!) He didn't get interested again until he was about 2 and 9 mos. That one was hard because he really wanted to wear underwear but he clearly was not ready--he peed and pooped into it just like it was a diaper. I actually encouraged him to go back to diapers for a while even though I could tell he was really disappointed. A few weeks later he wanted to try underwear again and for 2 solid weeks he used the potty almost every time and was very proud of himself. Then he started having accidents again (some loose stools caught him by surprise and somehow he was completely thrown off) and one day he threw his wet underwear across the room and said in frustration, "I want a DIAPER." So fine, back into diapers. No more mention of the potty from me, except that I did ask him to sit on it before bath time because he had the control at that point to pee at will, and I liked avoiding pee in the bath once my daughter started bathing with him.

  A few months after that (about 3 weeks ago now), he asked to try underwear again. The first day he was dry and clean all day. The next day he treated the undies like a diaper. But he still wanted to wear them and something told me to roll with it, so I did. He still has some trouble anticipating poops, and sometimes he is reluctant to stop what he is doing to pee, but for the most part he stays dry. I am taking more responsibility than I ever expected to help him (i.e., taking him to the potty when it has been a while and I just know he needs to go) but at this point he's close enough to total success that I'd rather clean an occasional underwear mess than change diapers all day. The progress has been rather slow but this time my instincts tell me it's for good. And I second the bare-bottomed idea... for a long time my son refused to go naked at all--he always demanded pants. But the weather is warming up and for some reason he has decided it's acceptable to be bare, and that has really helped him to get in touch with what is happening down there.

  I always thought I'd let him take all the responsibility for his own potty learning, and wait until he was ready to do it all himself--i.e., go when he needed to, not go when I told him to. But our experience has taught me that some parental guidance can be just what some kids need for a successful, proud-of-themselves toilet learning experience. He really wanted to do it but he needed (and still needs) some help from me. If he ever resisted, I'd step away, but he likes having me involved, and he is gradually taking over more of the responsibility himself.

• My biggest "sign" has been the ability to communicate their needs. I strongly believe that the later you leave it, the faster and more effective it all is. I don't mean that you should discourage any child who show the desire to toilet train, but that pushing it on schedule is likely to cause more dramas in the long run than washing nappies for a few more months will.

  I waited until all mine understood the concept and were able to verbalise their needs. Then I just talked about it in a general sense - not telling them what I expected them to do at all, more talking around the subject. I had a half-hearted attempt at training my twins when I was pregnant with my third and didn't get anywhere - and then they took the decision themselves when the baby was only a month old. Not the ideal time to be cleaning up, but since it was their instigation, we ran with it. All three boys have been trained at the late end of "normal" (whatever that means), but they've got the hang of it quickly and had very few accidents.

  My daughter is clutching at herself and tells me when she's got a pee or a poo, but I'm not sure that she's made the step towards realising when it's about to happen, so I haven't done anything much at all yet.

• I eagerly read everyone's replies and continued with letting her guide me. She showed keen interest in "her" potty for a few days and then one day announced that she wanted to sit on the big potty. She then moved her sink stool to in front of the potty so she could climb up and down by herself. She still requires an audience while she goes, but basically does it herself. People ask me "How did she learn to go on the potty?" Hmmm, well - she watched and figured it out for herself. I just can't believe that I ever worried about it, she literally figured it out and decided she was ready all by herself. She still has accidents on occasion, but it's no big deal. Thanks for all the tips and insight everyone.