What to do about hitting?

cultivated from community
for MotherSpirit

What I was *not* prepared for was the intense anger I've been feeling inside when he gets out of control!  He hits visitors, his siblings, my husband and me.  When I calmly tell him "people are not for hitting" he pulls away, sticks his tongue out or screams no! Or just makes a face and runs away!  He has never been spanked! I have yelled a bit lately as my frustration has been rising, but I've really been working in that area.  ARGH!!!

I'm concerned with my anger when I feel he's not responding to my attempts to deal gently with this hitting.
I try not to act on it towards him, but its there coloring my ability to respond.  I'm also concerned with the hitting. DH and I have been arguing a bit lately, and I'm sure that has affected him.  I feel like his behavior is out of control, and I don't know what to do about it. We've always joked saying he's a "full tilt boogie", high energy type of child, but this is driving me crazy.

THE RESPONSES:

• How old is he?  My child started hitting quite a bit when DH  and I were going through difficulties. The stress definitely affected her. Once things calmed down she was back to her cheerful self.  It is so hard when they go through hitting phases. I don't have any concrete advise accept hang in there and keep repeating "This too shall pass."
  • I'm hoping now that DH has a job things will be less stressful - when things are stressful, we seem to argue more!  I think that the anger thing is still such a hot button for me, because I know what I'm capable of inside, and when I'm stressed, its such a struggle not to let my guard down - I'm not a hitter, but I yell and say hurtful things when I'm stressed   Its encouraging to hear that your child's hitting stopped as things worked out with you and your dh. I hope that will happen here too.
    • My child is about the same age and has gone threw the same stages discussed. I *USED* to think only babies who were hit, hit others...LOL... I was wrong. My younger child hits my older child and sometimes me if she is really upset. I always tell her "When you hit your sister it hurts her and makes her sad....we don't hit in our family". It works 50% of the time LOL...It used to only work 10% though and I have high hopes! She also yes "NO" and "MINE" to other kids who have done nothing to her. This is something I was completely unprepared as my first child was a "golden" child LOL. We were ALWAYS complimented by everyone, they would say what an angel she was. People used to say to me "a calm baby equals a calm mama"...what a joke! I truly believe all this before I had my second child, she turned our world upside down, and what a fantastic ride it has been. I just try to remember that one day all that passion will be directed into some cause and she will change the world!!  I am with the above, this too shall pass, just keep up that positive parenting and he will get it sooner or later.