I'm not really sure how it happened. I can't go back to the place it all started and say...ahhh so that's what I did wrong, but the simple fact is I'm in a mess as far as my sons eating habits are concerned and I'm to blame.

He will only eat a handful of things (he's 4 by the way) and they are mostly bad for him. He eats sugar cereal, pancakes with tons of syrup, fries, pop, chicken in nugget form, oatmeal only if sugared, he is a bread junky, and I can't get him to eat whole wheat, because it has "seeds" in it. He does like some fruits, but only likes corn and mashes potatoes...oh, and french fries (does that count?).....pretty bad huh?

I try to limit these things, but as you might guess it is exhausting! I cook for my DH and I, then I have to make something else for him. I've tried making him try what we eat, but he gags and ends up barfing all over the place. I've been told to just let him starve till he's hungry enough to eat it, and I'm beginning to think I'm just gonna have to. This is a big issue in our house, my DH and I argue over it constantly. Dinnertime is all but relaxed. I try to tell him that maybe we give him to much attention over food, and that that COULD be PART of the problem. I know another part of it is me buying it, but I just don't know what else to feed the kid.

I myself (and DH) have pretty bad eating habits. I was one of those kids that was allowed to have coke and chips for breakfast. I was a very overweight child, and that is part of MY problem. I just don't know HOW to eat healthy. I did go lacto-vegan, for a year, for animal right reasons, but fell into a depression and stopped caring about it. I would like to go back to that. I was much healthier, and felt better about myself. But, I know my DH would NEVER do it with me so that makes it a little harder for me. I would at least be a better roll moddle for my DS and maybe my DD (4mo) won't have to go through this.

So, what do you all think? Feel free not to sugar coat it, I think I need a good kick in the ass!

THE RESPONSES:

• Well, I'm not going to kick you in the ass, because we are the same way! I try really hard to be healthy and give dd healthy eating choices, but it seems like it is constantly being sabatoged by someone! My df HATES 'healthy' food and refuses to eat it. By healthy, I mean anything that's not processed and doesn't come in a box. When I was pregnant this last time, I ate pretty healthy, and dd did too - then after the baby was born, I was so excited about getting to eat sugar (I had blood sugar issues the first preg so avoided it entirely the second time) that I went WAY overboard, and before I knew what was happening, my oldest was only eating sugar cereals and chewy granola bars (aka candy bars in disguise). She absolutely refused to eat anything else. Things are better now - I have been making sure she at least gets some veggies every day but I have to sneak them, big time. Like spaghetti squash mixed in with spaghetti noddles with melted cheese and pasta sauce. Pumpkin and/or carrot muffins work well with us too. The only veggie she will eat raw is carrots. She will eat grapes and apples too but not all the time. How did we improve things? I just stopped buying the other stuff and tried not to worry about her not eating - I made sure we had a structured breakfast/lunch/dinner going every single day and made sure she always had some on her plate in front of her. Of course, if she didn't eat I'd remind myself she would eventually have to. And sometimes it did take a bit of convincing - I have a feeling with us, she was not eating because it drew our attention to her and so when we gave her a lot of attention at mealtime - even down to feeding her 'like a baby' if that's what she wanted (she saw someone feeding a baby in a restaurant 'choo-choo-train' style and thought it looked like fun) and I'm sure that probably had something to do with the new baby too. She eventually totally rejected being fed and started to do it herself.

  This last week I've been so happy because she's been constantly asking (ASKING!) for food and eating most of it too! Now, to be honest, our diet is still not very good - but it is MUCH improved. I think it has to be a slow transition if you are worried about your ds not eating at all. I was lucky - if she didn't eat 'real' food, she was still nursing so I didn't obsess too much.

  Anyhoo...it's really hard to do things like this without the support of your dh - maybe explain to him how important it is? I have had many conversations with my df about this. It is still a constant battle but it IS getting better! Good luck.

• I don't do special meals and I don't force anyone to eat anything. We ONLY shop at the co-op (which has a no sugar policy), and my kids are allowed to pick out whatever they want to eat there. I make what they want for breakfast, and for lunch, and dinner is my domain. If they don't like it, they're WELCOME to find something else to eat. I don't cook things that I KNOW they'll absolutely hate, but I won't be held hostage to macaroni and cheese and hot dogs.

  I see junk food (sugar, GMO, highly processed food, non-organic food) as poison. Really. I mean...yeah....once in a while it's not going to kill you, so I don't spaz out about what they eat at a friend's house, but I just can't have it in my house.

  I UNDERSTAND picky eaters. My son is JUST now getting over the "white diet." For the first 8 years of his life, he would only eat white food. White bread, white pasta with butter and cheese, macaroni and cheese, pears, apples, cauliflower, milk, oatmeal, white rice etc. So...he ate all of those things, but I only buy them if they are organic (I make really yummy organic white bread), and the veggies are fresh (not canned with sugar). For sweetener, we only use maple syrup (can't remember if it's organic...I send DH to the store to get that).

  Is there a way you can transition to natural junk food? I know the co-op here sells free range and whole wheat chicken nuggets, wheat-free pancake mix with real syrup, honey sweetened cold cereal (we have...my personal fav..."Peanut Butter Bumpers"), home made organic fries, fresh organic (or frozen) sweet corn, for the soda...try "fuzzy juice"....we mix 1/2 organic juice, and 1/2 seltzer water. YUM! I think those things, along with the fruit you said he eats sounds pretty good! I do give my kids multi-vitamins. You might want to try doing that. We like the Rainbow Light Nutri Stars...the fruit blast flavor...OH...and "Yummi Bears"...they are gummy bear vitamins.

• Natural junk food. This is such a GREAT idea! I didn't know I could get healtier nuggets and such, and FUZZY JUICE! That's great! Yummy bears sounds like something he would LOVE! I did get him some multi vits, but he says they tast yucky...so we'll try the bears.

  So, how do I find a co-op? How do they work?

• As an added bonus, once your son gets used to the healthy junk his body will learn not to reject other healthy things and you can progress further. I have one REALLY picky eater and one kid who will eat anything BUT junk. (She will eat fries and chips but not very many before she says she doesn't like it.) My eldest is the picky one and just like you I feel this is partly my fault. She has always eaten fruit and whole grains but as I was never big on veggies I never pushed them. I also used to let her eat AWFUL things like chocolate bars. For us healthy eating has been a slow progression. We do well now, but it took a while to get here.

  My proof that eating healthy works is this: a while back we made a switch, we all like chocolate and didn't want to give it up entirely so we decided that now when we want to eat chocolate we only ever eat dark chocolate and usually it is sweetened naturally. At first my oldest said she did like it, then when she figured out it was this chocolate or NO chocolate she started eating it. The other day she was at my MIL's place,and MIL gave her one of those SUPER sugary Easter cream eggs which she would have LOVED before! She took one bite and asked if she had to eat any more?!

  She now eats lettuce, squash, sweet potato, carrots, broccoli and a few other veggies. She is surprising us nearly everyday with something new that she will eat and almost as important what she now WON'T eat! Start with what we call "healthy junk" and then slowly transition your whole family toward a healthier diet.

  Just tonight we had brown rice, roasted butternut squash, and a HUGE salad, and my dh says to me, "Who would have thought?!" "Who would have thought what?" I said. "Who would have thought squash could taste so good! and this salad is amazing!" This is the man who in University ate nothing but sushi and burgers. He survived on meat and now he is a raw-eating vegetarian (well 70% raw, but we are working towards that goal now LOL).

• Oh, I *so* agree about the chocolate. I think you can develop a truly destructive and powerful addiction to processed sugar which *destroys* your appetite and palate for fresh foods. My husband used to be a bit like this, but years of pushing on my part have started to change him, although not completely. The boys go to school with a little girl who gets two bags of mixed lollies from the village shop every afternoon. It is tragic - from being a naturally plump child, she is slowly but surely developing a serious weight problem. The boys used to be envious of her until we had some big discussion about how Jessie actually can't enjoy fresh food any more. The amount of sugar she eats has actually destroyed her ability to enjoy a crunchy apple or some hot bread or a glass of cold creamy milk.

  We don't usually have chocolate in the house, but if we do ('cos I do love it) it's usually bitter dark chocolate, which is a wonderful luxury. The boys love it too and they are turned off by really sugary milk chocolate confections. I notice that even at easter, they show quite a lot of control. They ask me to put stuff away for later and don't binge until they are sick on the eggs. I also view this as developing their palates - like me, all the children enjoy quite bitter, sharp tastes and are happy with spice levels my own mother would *never* have tried with us as kids.

• The co-op I shop at (and DH works there) is member owned and run by a collective, and governed by a board that is elected by the membership. Because DH works there, we get a 25% discount on everything. You can volunteer there too and get the discount. Membership is something like $6 a year for 5 years, or $27. (This is CHEAP - most co-op memberships are more like $75-100.) You CAN shop at any food co-op without being a member, but some may charge you %5 more, or you won't be able to get the special "member sale" items. In general food co-ops have natural food that is cheaper than Whole Foods or other non co-op chains.

  There are also co-op's that are more like buying clubs, you can start your own pretty easily. Here's an article about one: http://www.vrg.org/journal/vj96sep/vj969coop.htm. There's also always Whole Foods and similar chains.

• It sounds like your son has some food addictions, and often food addictions spell out food sensitivities. Cutting these foods out does require detoxing and that is very hard on children sometimes. My son is sensitive to oats. If he has them they constipate him, affect his behaviour, and make him CRAVE THEM like you wouldn't believe. He's also sensitive to lactose, and wheat in a much smaller way. He is also a sugar hound. We can usually keep it in check.

  First of all - you can get breads that are smooth textured and not that bad for you. If you can afford it, invest in a breadmaker and make your own bread - then you control what goes in it. My son is convinced my plain whole wheat bread is white bread because my regular bread is full of so many seeds you wouldn't believe it! lol! All my breads are vegan, I never use butter as my oil, never use milk in them. I get wholegrain cereals (without oats) and he has them with vanilla rice milk and sometimes some raw sugar or honey if I'm being VERY generous. He doesn't eat cereal for breakfast though - its a snack food.

  Here's the main thing - if it isn't available, he can't eat it. My dh brings crap into the house though and I simply allow my son to binge on it until its gone, then well, there is no more. YOU need to get the crap out of your house (and therefore your diet) to have a positive affect on your child's eating habits. So my suggestion is to do it slowly - so it sticks with *you.* Personally I think the first thing people should get rid of is dairy - start with liquid milk and go from there. You get rid of milk and suddenly kids have an appetite, suddenly they want more fruit and vegetables. When you're comfortable with that, go on to white sugar, then white flour, then too many simple sugars, then too many carbs, etc - as far as you are comfortable.

  While you're getting rid of things you can expect a lot of emotional acting up from your child. Part of it is the detox they are going through, part is the change - be supportive. At meal times our solution is to say this is what we are having, if you are not eating with us you can get yourself something *from what is readily available in the kitchen.* Your child will not die if they live on peanut butter sandwiches for a week or three.

• The man I buy my vitamins from told me a long time ago that he thought my son has an allergy to dairy. He was looking at the redness around his eyes and said that that was a sign. Would an allergy really make him crave that food? He does eat a LOT of dairy. Lots! Cheese and yogurt, not so much milk in it's self though.

  It makes a lot on sense to me to take one thing at a time out of our diets. Dairy might be hard to start with since he does eat so much of it. BUT, if has an allergy to it, then maybe that would be the best to start with.

• Yes! Red or dark circles around the eyes, a frequent stuffy nose or mouth breathing at night, high red patches on the cheeks - these are all visible signs of dairy problems.

• Yes, children with allergies usually crave the foods they are allergic to. Especially milk because it is a "whole food" meant to be whole nutrition for a baby cow, so the body craves it more and more trying to fill nutritional gaps. Unfortunatly he can drink as much as he wants and is still never going to find the nutrition he needs.

• And I am utterly convinced that cow and goat milk consumption causes us to NOT want to eat the quantities of vegetables we need! As soon as we cut out dairy my son began CRAVING vegetables.

• That was not the case for us. My son was dairy free until he was probably 18 months....he ate the white diet, went dairy free from ages 4-6, still stuck with the white diet. I do think dairy is the best food to eliminate first, but it's not always the culprit. I DO notice that anything other than non-homogenized organic milk makes us all sick.

• Does your son have other SID issues though? I think things like that kind of EXTREME pickiness can arise from other issues rather than what the body needs. My son still won't touch anything at all slimy. Does that make sense?

• Oh yeah, most definitely. It's pretty shocking now that he eats LETTUCE! Iceburg, but holy moly...it's green!! lol!! It's weird for me, because I ate ANYTHING as a kid...LOVED veggies. (My youngest is following in my footsteps - today she ate 2 cups of broccoli florets, and a pint of strawberries!)

• That is the difference between my son and my daughter. My son has gotten MUCH better about food lately - so much so that the "I am only eating peanut butter sandwiches this week" binge really worried me - he broke it by eating 20.00 worth of veggies BY HIMSELF today (I kid you not - he ate EVERYTHING I bought today all by himself!), but my daughter totally surprises me by EATING EVERYTHING she can get her hands on! She has only 2 teeth and will use them to grate up and mince raw carrots, brocolli, CURRIED potatoes - anything she can get ahold of. Her favorite foods so far are nori strips, roasted garlic, radishes and veggie booty! LOL!

  My husband was, and still is, very picky about food. I'd eat ANYTHING raw and wildcrafted on my own as a small child. I remember my mum forcing me to drink salt water so I'd throw up some "pods" I'd harvested and eaten. They were GREAT! Turned out later on they were shepherd's purse (commonly called poor man's pepper). The foods I LOVE today - greens, fish, eggs, bitter plants and not too sweet fruits are the same things I loved as a kid.

• You are getting some really good replies here and I can't help but re-emphasize do the transition SLOWLY! Since I have been fat all my life, I vowed not to have the junky junk food in my house. However, a couple of things have made me slide a bit from the ideal pantry I wish we had.

  First, I am not one of those lucky souls who can buy organic for each and every single last bite of food they put in their mouths. We live in an area where many things are available natural/organic but you can't get everything. And, there probably aren't too many places like that. DH and I agreed that our main goal was to be 80% there. However...

  Secondly, after my daughter was born I fell into a very black depression and all thoughts of eating healthy went right out the window. It is my fault that she loves french fries because there was a time when we were eating them 3-4 times a week when I was unable to cook. I'm surprised things aren't worse than they are for us.

  And, I have been there done that with the gag and barfing response. Which is why I choose to err on the side of caution when feeding dd. I can remember running to the bathroom to puke up food my mother forced me to eat. Sometimes I would do it in a napkin right at the table and she would not care. But, I digress.... DH and I are currently on a diet to loose weight and we are getting better and better every week with adding more organic, whole and raw foods to our diet. It is a very slow process for us and will be even slower for dd. It's going to be a long, slow road for you too and I wish I could offer more advice but I'm not quite as with it in this area as some of these other woman here so I'll leave it to the experts. Just wanted to let you know I am here for support because I know how difficult it can be to make the changes.

• My 3-year-old was like that too. He was a total refined-carbohydrate fiend. We are beginning to make some progress so I can tell you what worked. I totally agree with eliminating cow's milk. We did, and it made a HUGE difference. Now his preferred drink is water and he never asks for milk! He can have pop once a week as a treat, and no amount of begging on his part makes it more frequent.

  We got a bread machine and make bread together. We started out just making regular wheat bread, and because he helped make it, he wanted to eat it. From there we started adding extras to the wheat recipe like millet, oats, and seeds and he always got to add them. It becomes a game and we ask his input ("What kind of bread do you want to make today? What color of crunchies should we put in it?")

  Put fruit on the pancakes instead of syrup. Better yet make french toast because the egg batter gives them a little protein. We make super-powered french toast with the equivalent of one egg per piece of bread and he will usually eat two pieces. But put two eggs in front of him and he will pronounce them yucky and not eat a bite! Gradually put less and less sugar on the oatmeal - his tastebuds will adjust. Substitute Boca or Morningstar Farms "chicken" nuggets or make your own with real chicken. Grow a little garden and he's likely to want to eat it - my son discovered through this that (contrary to his previous belief) he actually liked carrots!

  Watch what you say about food around him. I realized I was referring to food negatively more often than I thought I was. Also, while he's still trying to change his diet it might be really hard for him, so try not to have any forbidden tempting foods in the house. If you want a Coke but you don't want him to have one, try to wait until he's asleep.

  This may seem harsh but we've established a rule that he either eats what we do or he can have peanut butter & jelly sandwiches (not great but at least its protein). Those are his only choices, and he even makes the sandwich himself. That way the ball is in his court rather than making food a power struggle, and I'm not a short-order cook. He knows what the options are. He does still eat PB&J 2-3 times a week but that means that the other meals he's actually eating some of what we are. That's a huge improvement.

• My mother changed our diets when I was 5, and she got more relaxed once we had more firmly established eating habits. I remember it being hard at first. The only thing wrong that she did was go along with my father who forced us to eat what was in front of us. I was perfectly willing to eat carrots, broccoli, corn on the cob, green beans, cauliflower, but gagged on peas, creamed corn and asparagus. But I was made to eat them if they were put in front of me. Food definitely became a power struggle on those nights.

  It must be hard, though, when every healthy thing presented to him is being rejected. I think we may have some problems with my 16 month old because he still eats very little and rejects most veggies. I have heard of recipes where parents can sneak in healthy food by using the blender. A pizza for example where the red sauce has pureed veges in it. Smashed potatoes that has cheese and broccoli in it (and I mean pureed broccoli).

  I saw a show where the parents stopped making a big deal on the food issue - food was placed in front of the child - and the issue was ignored. No additional food was allowed. Within a week, the child was eating the food in front of him. I don't know what else to suggest because my almost 3 year old eats and eats. I can say that he was born this way, however - that is, inclined to eat, so even though your son's problem at this point is being worsened by what is going on, it probably didn't start out that way - he was born with some inclination to eat what he does. And it is up to you to guide him past what his body craves. There can always be some kind of compromise. I mean, maple syrup on top of pancakes that have pureed fruit in them - where he has no choice on the pankcakes but has a choice on the amount of syrup??? Slow cooked oatmeal with brown sugar versus white????

• I'm not sure about craving foods we *need* when our palate has been messed up with processed foods. Cows milk is a processed food designed to meet the needs of another species - one that is a herbivore, one with many stomachs to help digest greens with. If a child has *naturally* weaned on their own timetable they do not need milk. If you feed them milk products from another species their body is being told all sorts of other foods are not required.

  Also many of us are carbohydrate addicts. I come from a family of alcoholics. I don't drink but my body does wierd things with sugars (and I have PCOS which is linked with insulin resistance) and I CRAVE them even though they make my body sick, just like my father CRAVED alcohol (another simple sugar). You can let your child deal with these cravings getting their sugars from fruit (where they get all sorts of fiber and nutrients and have a natural "stop" when they are full) or you can give them pop and candy and cookies.

  Then there's the emotional issues around foods - if you reward children with sweets or baked goods etc kwim? We develop tastes for things and a child who gets served tv dinners may well crave chicken nuggets when they need protein, corn niblets when they need a vegetable's sugars and nutrients, mashed potatoes when they need a slow-release starchy sugar thereafter, but I think its tricking yourself to think the tv dinner is a natural craving. It suckered them in with a whopping load of salt (which IS a natural craving given how little we'd encounter naturally).

• We are in the same boat - grab an oar! My three-year-old has bad eating habits and also very picky. He will not try new food and will protest constantly about even the thought of trying something new. My one-year-old loves everything though!

  I think that what we did wrong or approached wrong was that, "That isn't good food for a baby, he won't like that." When ever we had something spicy etc. What we should have done and do now is just give everything to my daughter (the one year old). Sometimes it is too spicy, but sometimes she loves it. I have tried the only offering him one thing but I end up making him something else about an hour or two later and I don't like that either. He rotates between grilled cheese, quasadillas, and peanut butter and jelly. Sometimes turkey and cheese sandwiches and become rare the chicken nuggets. I too think we got laxed with his food offerings and need to go back to serving what we are eating and having something incorporated in the meal for him, like bread or potatoes etc.

  I am also trying to slowly change our family to a vegetarian life style. We have cut out all beef and pork currently, unless we are eating out... in another month or so we will work on the chicken but currently we are only having it once a week.

  I don't know if this hasn't helped you, but I would try the only offer him what you want him to eat and cut the pop out! My dh is a popaholic and has been since he was very very small. That is the one thing he wished his parent's never let him have. We do not let our kids have it. I only have one or two a week.