Tell me what your kids eat! I desperately need advice. Here is our story:

My daughter is the pickiest eater in the world. She also has a gag reflex which has greatly improved over the last year but was once horrible. Nothing physical to cause it (dh has the same problem and to this day can't swallow a pill). So, when we started her on solids we started her on jars. I know many think jarred food is evil but there is nothing we can do about it now. She is still on jars as part of her diet and she is 29 months old. We always bought organic baby food though so I don't really feel guilty in that respect. And, yes, I tried to make my own and she wouldn't touch the stuff. When she was eating a dozen jars a day she would eat any flavor we put in front of her, no questions asked! Now she has basically two favorites: broccoli/cauliflower and tropical fruit. She eats two to four jars a day still. We struggled with getting her off these for a while and then just realized it wasn't worth it. She eats like a bird and this is basically the only way she will eat fruits and veggies so we just let her have at it. At least it is better than jello pudding packs that a lot of kids eat.

Now, we have tried giving her samples of nearly everything we eat. Here is what her diet consists of: bananas, fruit smoothies, veggie sticks, pretzels, soy cheese, organic dairy cheese, tater tots, french fries, pizza (mainly just the cheese and crust), spaghetti, lettuce, toast, the two flavors of jarred food mentioned above, green peas, almond milk and breastmilk. Now, some of these things she eats on a daily basis, others maybe once a month no matter how often we offer them. And, she eats EXTREMELY TINY amounts of everything so it's really not as varied as it sounds. She won't eat any veggies and only the one fruit in the form that we eat it.

I try to buy organic or natural forms of these foods whenever possible but I'm still very concerned. We try so hard not to make food an issue in our home. I was forced to eat any and everything put in front of me and I have horrible, life long food issues that I would not wish on my worst enemy. I am extremely overweight and battle food problems constantly. So, we don't force food on her at all. And, I don't really think we are being to lax because she is not a junk food eater, i.e., cookies, ice cream, crackers, etc. In fact, she doesn't like any of that. She won't even try any of that stuff (and she really isn't even exposed to it all that often).

My biggest worry is the french fries. We go out to eat once a week and that is a big thing for us. We always go somewhere where she can get french fries because that is all she will eat (except for maybe grated cheese which probably isn't much better). I am concerned for the amount that she consumes because I know they are made with hydrogenated oil which just scares the hell out of me.

She also will ask for food that she thinks she wants and never eats it. Yesterday she asked for a peanut butter sandwich (she's had one months ago and doesn't remember but didn't even touch it). Well, we had almond butter (she doesn't know the difference) so I made a sandwich because she asked me like a hundred times and I am usually game for her trying new things. Sometimes she surprises us. Well, after practially begging for one for about 20 minutes she got one, ate three bites, and that was it. That was better than we normally get. Usually she will do this and then not touch the food at all. Like this morning, she begged for blueberries after she found out I was having some on my cereal. I repeatedly asked her if she was sure she wanted them and was going to eat them. Yes, yes, yes! So, I put a few in a bowl. She wouldn't touch them. I wanted to scream! She does this all the time--asks for food and then doesn't eat it or even try it. We can't even get her to try one bite. I waste a lot of food and it is frustrating me.

Any tips? I know many of you here seem to have good diets and, while dh and I have made some poor choices in the past, we are trying to do better and I'd like to see dd's diet improve too. Is that just wishful thinking at this age?

I really, really, really don't want to make food an issue and we do have limits on what she is allowed to eat, how much, etc. so I don't feel that we are pushovers but I haven't the foggiest idea on how to get her to eat "regular" veggies and fruits. She doesn't like to get her fingers messy but that just recently is improving some but it's still a problem.

She is very interested in what we are eating. Every time I go into the kitchen to fix something to eat she is very curious and wants details. She even says she wants to eat it too (almost every time) but when it comes right down to it she won't touch it. She also doesn't like to combine flavors very well. Like, if we have soup she might eat the noodles out of it or maybe the peas but she won't eat a bowl of soup.

I have always heard that given good choices a child will always eat good foods and what her body needs. Now, I realize french fries are not a good choice but probably over 90% of what is offered to her are good food choices. And, french fries are rarely offered to her at home so I am having a hard time with this.

I would appreciate any advice and maybe some encouragement that it could be worse????

THE RESPONSES:

• I'm not quite sure what your question is. I don't think jars are evil, just completely unnecessary. We didn't give any solids until my kids could pick up the pieces of food and feed themselves. That has worked very well for us. I don't quite understand why you are continuing to use the jars? She's still nursing, right? If I were you, I would dump the jars and just stick to giving her what you are eating. I would think continuing to give mush isn't helping the gag reflex and that she needs more and more experience with eating solid foods. She will eventually eat the fruite and veggies and while she's nursing, I wouldn't worry so much if she isn't eating the solid fruits and veggies. She will eventually.

  Why did she have to ask so many times for you to give her the blueberries? If she shows interest in something, give her a small amount of it when she asks, instead of repeatedly asking her if she really really wants it. Like the blueberries, if my kid asked for blueberries, I would just give her a few of mine right away. If she still wants more, then I'd get her more. KWIM? Don't make her beg.

  Also, when she's being really picky, my DD will do better eating off my plate, rather than her own. Maybe that would help you? I guess, my advice would be to relax about it. Give her food when she asks for it. Get rid of the jars, or anything else that has you feeding her, i.e. putting food in her mouth for her. Offer her healthy choices and let her pick. Don't force her, but also don't make her beg either. Just let her make the decisions and let it go at that. SHe will do fine. And remember, as long as you're nursing her, she's getting lots and lots of nutrients from you too.

• You've misunderstood so let me clarify. First, we realized way after she was hooked on jars that they were totally unneccessary. She asks for them, when she won't ask for or eat anything else. We tried for a while not giving them to her and she just screamed and cried every time. She actually went two days without eating anything else (and not nursing very often) because we were trying to get her off them. She loves them and since they are fairly healthy we ended up not being able to justify taking them away.

  When I say she nurses it is about once or twice a day for about two seconds and then a couple of times in the night for comfort. I know you cannot measure breastmilk but there is no way she is getting very many nutritional needs met the way she nurses. It is mostly for comfort at this stage in the game.

  The reason she begged so long for the sandwich is that we were outside at the time. I quickly finished what I was doing, got us both inside, washed our hands and put coats and shoes away, took the almond butter out of the cupboard, opened the new jar, stirred and stirred and stirred it to mix up the nut butter with the oil, got the bread out, etc. etc. and by that time about 20 minutes had passed. I do NOT deprive my child or make her wait unless I simply can't get to it right away.

  I do NOT MAKE my child beg. Just wanted to clear that up. If she can't have it the split second she asks there is usually a good reason. I gave her the blueberries when she asked this morning but while I was getting them out and setting her up I did ask if she was sure she wanted them. We've tried letting her eat off our plate. It only works if it is one of the foods she is used to eating. Our luck is not much better getting her to try new foods that way. We really do try to be creative.

  We do not feed her the jars. She is fully capable of using a spoon and feeding herself just as a child would eat yogurt or pudding or jello.

• In our house we joke that air must have nutritional value because dd Jordan (27 months) barely eats a thing. I never gave her jarred baby foods or cereals or the like, just waited until she was ready to pick up food and get it into her mouth. She was picky from the start - spit out just about everything. I used to feel really bad that she was so picky and even blamed myself for waiting so long to introduce solids but the fact of the matter is simply that many toddlers are picky eaters and I happen to have one of them!

  Today she still eats much less (quantity as well as variety) than most other kids her age I know of. She goes through phases it seems, but usually comes back to about a dozen tried and trues. Her diet consists of lots of fruit, lots of water, NO FRUIT JUICE other than the calcium fortefied OJ I give her with breakfast, peanut butter, cheese, chicken, pasta/red sauce, rice with beans, eggs, daddy's famous blueberry pancakes, and constant bites here and there from whoever's plate she can reach.

  I ALWAYS allow her to try whatever I am eating and if she likes it I will make her more even when it is inconvenient - this is how she is learning to expand her palate - she loves to eat like mommy. I am used to the food being left on the plate untouched and the gagging sounds as she pretends what I have served is going to kill her, and I just don't react. I just make sure that she has a good selection of healthy things to choose from and from there it's her deal. If she seems not to have eaten enough I just leave the food out for her to graze as she needs to and if it is evening and that's not possible I will offer her a smoothie before bed and put in a scoop of protein powder.

  She really is pretty good at making sure she eats healthfully as long as I *LET* her and don't force anything.

  Oh wait, I almost forgot about vegetables. Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Wait a minute let me catch my breath. I really think if I ever saw her eat a vegetable (Does eating mean it has to go down the throat?) I would fall over from a heart attack! I have tried all the tricks - marinating, dipping, grinding them up and putting them into other stuff (I can and do hide a ton in spaghetti sauce which she eats fairly often) and if she detects a veggie, the food gets torpedoed.

  I did have a small success recently though with carrots but it was short lived which I know is gonna happen... She goes for rides on a friend of mine's pony and last time we were there she fed her a carrot and she was so totally excited about the fact that "Jasmine eats carrots" that she asked me for some so when I gave her some she at least tried them. Said she would try again another time, maybe with Jasmine. Cute.

• First of all, try to relax! Your daughter sounds like a normal toddler. It COULD be much worse, i have seen houses full of junk food, nothing fresh or whole in sight. One friend of mine fed her kid COFFEE and sugar cereal when he was 2 once when I was there. He had pop every morning for breakfast, sometimes with caffeine, and he could have pop whenever he asked for it! So yeah, it could be much worse.

  Our household eating habits are kind of wierd, mostly cuz my dh does not have the same dietary strictness that I find ideal. So when he shops (about 1/3 of the time) he doesn't buy organic produce and he buys cow cheese (not the organic kind). I myself am mostly vegan, with a few eggs here and there and once in a great while I will eat something with dairy in it. My dh is an avid flyfisherman and likes to eat fish. When he does eat fish (maybe once every 2 months or so) the kids eat it with him. It is always fish he has caught himself in clean water though. They understand what a fish is and that daddy killed it etc, and they make the choice to eat it. My 6 year old son also fishes with his dad and catches his own fish (daddy kills it though) to eat.

  Anyway, for breakfast I usually make a fruit platter with a variety of fresh fruits (and frozen organic berries), and we each get a fork and chow down on it. My 2 yr old is very picky as was my 6 yr old at that age and she won't eat some fruits. She mostly likes bananas, oranges and tangerines with ALL the skin off, grapes, SOMETIMES apples, strawberries, sometimes raspberries (definately yes if they aren't frozen) and avocadoes (I am extremely happy about that one). I think if she sees us eating a certain food enough she will try it if she isn't pushed to. She tried grapefruit last week after saying she didn't like it forever and it turned out she was right. LOL.

  Sometimes they eat cereal or whole organic cowmilk yogurt for breakfast. For lunch we just eat whatever we feel like....some things are salads, nuts, pasta, potatoes, (but I try to stay away from cooked starches in our diets, especially pasta or bread....although making bread is one of our favorite things to do LOL! we just don't eat it much.) They like just about anything we have on hand here at our house. For dinner we have soups, curries, stirfries, almost always a salad or some kind of raw veggies, quesidillas or burritos with beans, veggies and soy cheese (or that awful stuff dh buys which I stay away from myself), they love quesidillas....we have rice and beans quite often. Sometimes we make pizza. You could make your own homemade french fries which are much more nutritious - cut the potatoes into french fries (I leave the skins on) and toss with olive oil and salt and bake until tender at 350 degrees or so, it usually takes about 20-30 minutes. She probably wouldn't know the difference. My kids love it when we have french fries at home. They are also good with yams. Baked yams and squash are a hit around here too. My 2 yr old loves mushrooms, cooked brocolli, cooked carrots, cooked potatoes, squash and she will eat just about any cooked veggie except for tomatoes, onions and garlic and peppers. She doesn't like raw veggies too much but I bet she will in a year or two. My 6 yr old loves veggies, raw and cooked for the most part. He loves to eat salad, especially from the garden but won't eat the tomatoes, peppers, eggplant, onions, avocado, or garlic. I didn't like those either until I got older.

  I try not to be a freak about what my kids can eat at other peoples houses or restaurants, as long as there is no meat in it I am usually fine with it. I try to keep them away from candy but they get it from their relatives quite often (too often if you ask me!). They know it is not good for them but they eat it anyway. I don't buy it though and try to keep it out of the house. (Sometimes I buy and hide it for dh and me as a treat!) We usually have non dairy ice cream on hand for treats. For snacks I usually give them fruit or whatever else is easy. I guess that is it. From what you say, Hannah isn't doing too bad. She sounds like she has normal toddler eating habits. Maybe try to eat more optimal things around her more often, and she will eventually try it. Or just don't buy the things that you don't want her to eat, she will eventually forget about them if they are not on hand and something else appealing is. Those fruit platters and raw veggie platters are very pretty and appealing and offer a variety of choices. Maybe you could get her to nurse a little more though, that way you wouldn't worry so much.

• Your daughter doesn't sound too far off from my 3yo. My son is also what I would consider an extremely picky child when it comes to food. He will RARELY touch anything new but is VERY fascinated with what we are eating. He will ALWAYS come into the kitchen with me and examine what I am making, help me cook it, whatever, but when I offer it to him he says NO. If I put it on his plate, he will push it away and won't eat if there is anything on the plate he doesn't find suitable.

  His general breakfast consists of one or a combination of protein smoothie, egg, cereal and maybe toast if DH or I are eating it. Lunch is usually a pb&j or ham/lettuce salad, chips, hummus, banana, quesadilla (cheese melted on a tortilla and it can't seep out the sides). Dinner is usually the same as lunch!!!! Or if we are having rice, he'll eat that. He has NEVER eaten anything that I have ever made for us as a family.

  For drink he has either rice milk or half juice/half water combination. He will not drink water either. We rarely do sweets but sometimes vegan chocolate chip cookies and the occassional numynum (Sundrop). We do give him a multi-vitamin which he loves.

  His diet does not vary much at all. He also loves french fries but I either make them at home or we go out and get them sometimes (much more lately as I'm closer to having the baby). He eats a lot of carbs so we try to get wholesome carbs - like crackers are oat cereal pieces, I buy only sprouted bread, we use almond cheese. Veggies ROFLMAO notta. Fruit only bananas and apples really.

• What kind of multi-vitamin do you use? We have tried 5 different brands and forms of mv's and she won't touch any of them.

• We use the Trader Joe's multivitamin. It is shaped like a bear. Since my son never had candy before these, I really think that in the beginning he thought it was "candy" but he asks for his "vitamin" every morning and just loves them.

• We had homemade pizza for dinner tonight. It's always a hit at our house. DD (2.5) loves it - first, she's involved in every step of *making* it - which she *really* enjoys. We put veggies on as toppings, and she gobbles them up. Tonight's pizza had broccoli, tomatoes, and mushrooms. I had extra broccoli that I wanted to save for her lunch tomorrow, but she ate the entire container while waiting for the pizza to cook.

  Other suggestions for eating veggies -- DD loves spinach dip and also loves to "dip" cooked string beans, carrots, etc. into any kind of sauce/dressing/etc.

  For fruit, we try to keep a variety of fresh fruit around, and lately I've been putting all the fruit on the shelf in the fridge that is eye-level to DD and so when she opens the fridge (herself!) to look for a snack, that's usually the first thing she sees and so she's more likely to ask for it now. When I'm really ambitious, I'll cut up a bunch in the a.m. so it's ready to go and she can just grab the tupperware container herself.

  Also, I wouldn't worry too much about the fries. I think they're okay as an occasional treat. DD's favorite meal when we eat out is now "hamburger fries and DIP." We rarely never make this stuff at home (except for the occasional summer bbq), and we don't eat out that often so it's not that big a deal to me.

  In general, I would just relax and let her find her way. She might sense your worries, concerns, etc. and despite your best efforts, she might be feeling some stress herself about eating. We try to keep meal times/snack times as nonchalant and stress free as possible around here. For example, if DD protests that she doesn't want dinner, we just say, "Ok, mommy and daddy are going to eat now." Often, she'll come in a few minutes later and join us on her own and start eating. Or she won't eat dinner but she'll ask for a snack later, and then we make sure that she has something healthy and simple, like yogurt or fruit or a sandwich.

• My kid will eat just about anything as long as there is a sauce to dip it in.

• My kids eat, for the most part all raw foods. This is *their* choice (not that I'm at all upset about it! LOL). My DD (4.5) has always eaten this way. She doesn't like foods that are mixed together or anything with any kind of sauce/dressing. We eat a LOT of salad around here and Mesa usually eats her entire dinner by hanging with me in the kitchen. She will wash the greens and snag a few big romaine leaves. I use half a cuke in the salad and she gnaws on the other half (skin and all....she eats it like an apple). You get the idea. She very rarely actually eats anything on a plate at the table during dinner. She does eat some cooked foods like rice and beans, roasted potatoes/yams/squash, rice or quinoa pasta (plain though or with a bit of vegan parm.) granola, hmmm that might be it, oh! she does like rice/nut loaf (Mmmmm!) with mashed potatoes, but I only make that once every few months. In the morning she eats a soy yogurt and a bunch of fruit, maybe some granola with almond milk. Then she eats something like every 30-60 minutes for the rest of the day. She's a busy kid and burns her calories FAST! I swear she is ALWAYS hungry. Since she's 4.5 she pretty much gets what she wants when she wants it (although sometimes she does need to be reminded to throw apple/pear cores in the compost...I've found them in the playroom before...Ewwww!) There is almost always a big salad bowl in the fridge and she will pick all the cukes out of it or grab a handful of lettuce. I also keep a HUGE (really, it takes up most of the bottom shelf of my frigde and it's piled to the bottom of the shelf above it!) basket of organic fruit....apples, pears, oranges, avocado, kiwi, etc. I also have a banana stand and a few pineapples on the counter. It is VERY hard not to pick up a piece of fruit when you open my fridge....the basket looks so beautiful and yummy! Even my 12 month old can open the fridge himself and take out a fruit he wants me to cut up. I really like that. It saves me from having to *offer* him solids.

  As far as junk food goes....Mesa eats sorbet on occasion, we all eat sesame sticks (actually there's really nothing bad about those, but they're so good, they seem like they should be junk food! LOL), sometimes on a weekend I will make french toast using sprouted bread and organic eggs (Terran doesn't eat that, but I have no problem with Mesa and dh eating it). If Mesa is at a friend's house or out with grandparents or something she can eat what she chooses. This kind of indulging for her may mean a bit of cow cheese or ice cream, crackers, a cookie, stuff like that. Last weekend she spent the night at my dad's house and my step mother made her pancakes. I really want her to make informed choices about food when she's older and I think she needs to experiment with unhealthy food sometimes to do it. She knows we don't have that food in our house and understands why I don't want to.

  I totally understand your concerns about your DD, but I really think you need to make food more of a non-issue. By giving her *special* food, fretting about her asking for something and then not eating it, and conciously trying ways to increase her repetoire (how the heck do you spell that anyway? ) you are projecting your food issues *about* her *onto* her. What I would suggest is this...go about your business. If you are hungry, eat. Maybe she would like to help you make your meal? If she wants to try something, give it to her. If she doesn't eat it, she doesn't eat it. I truly believe that a human will not starve him/herself. She may be so used to the reaction she gets from you (extra attention about the food, asking if she's hungry, is she sure she wants the food she's asking for, offering the jarred mush after she pushes aside the other things) that she has no motivation for trying any new foods.

  I know it must be hard not to worry, but try not to! I promise she won't be living soley off tater tots and bananas when she's 13! Good luck!

• I would be ecstatic if my little one ate half what all your kids do. Basically, all she eats is plain bread, fruit, cheese and breastmilk. Sometimes some vegetable soup. A little pasta here and there (but leave the sauce on the plate, please). Half a bowl of home-made baked beans. Otherwise, thin air mostly. We also milk a cow, so she drinks organic full cream milk. Forget meat of any kind, or fish - won't have a bar of it. Neither she nor any of the others have ever had tinned baby food.

  I thank the gods daily for breast milk I've been through all this before with my twins - they went for about 18 months eating only bread, cheese, peanut butter, milk and spaghetti bolognaise. They eat much more now, although they're still not really keen on vegetables. (Zucchinis???? Are you trying to kill us right here at the kitchen table, Mum???? )

  I worry sometimes that I don't do enough with my daughter to tempt her more - but she's happy and sparky and active, she's not forced to eat anything or denied any fresh food she wants. I console myself with the thought that all the food is fresh and mostly made by me. It *is* a stage and she will get over it if you don't battle it out with her. As a child, I hated vegetables and was never forced to eat them. Then I went to boarding school at 12 and got VERY HUNGRY. I got used to some average veggies and started really appreciating my mother's much nicer food at home. Now I love them.

  The "thin air" diet can drive you insanen with anxiety, particularly with your first child. But it's common, normal and ends in its' own time.

• I also say *relax*!! People cannot control how their children sleep, eat or poop!! It is the old, "You can bring a horse to water, but you cannot make him drink" thing. Your job as a parent is to serve your child heathly meals. Once the food is down in front of the child, then what they do with it is their business (you couldn't control it anyway, even if you tried - think of how you grew up). Serve what you think is best, and let your dd take care of the rest!!

  Also, I would not ask, "Are you *SURE* you want xy or z to eat??". This only makes your dd question if she really is sure, and makes her wonder if there is some reason she should *not* want the food. I would just try to stay as relaxed and non-involved as possible...just do your "job" and serve the good food, and let your dd take it (where ever) from there!