by Harriett
for MotherSpirit

My milk came in quickly this time.  On the afternoon of day 2 so begun that hot tell-tale feeling in my breasts. By the evening, as with both my other children, I get that slightly "weird" feeling.  Almost dizzy but not quite.  Sorta feverish, but I’m not hot.  It’s like a "body ache", but I don’t hurt.  Its hard to explain, I’m certainly NOT sick & I don’t feel that bad, it’s just this feeling in my body, this hot, full feeling…it is my milk.  Of course!,  It is my milk coming in.  It’s a strange feeling, it has taken 3 babies to recognize it & understand it.  My entire body responding to that time when the milk 1st enters my breasts. It is a full body experience, just like the conception, the pregnancy & the birth, it has taken all of me to create & give (& go on giving) the goodness this life now outside me demands.

Oh my!, such engorgement *L*.  I’d forgotten that rock hardness!!.  Those 1st few days of so *much* milk….bless my body for making all this extra!!. But, oh the discomfort!!. I do revel in it though & I have to laugh when I undo my bra (a permanent fixture I’m afraid to say these days!) as my breasts don’t even move, let alone wiggle when I walk.  They are monumental in their fullness!!! *LOL*.  Standing over the bath expressing some milk out, trying to make these milk filled nipples just a-little softer for my sweet baby to latch on to.  Of course in just a few short days this passes & my boobs settle into a more "user friendly" milk making model.  I must say though, in a way I rather liked having those enormous, rock hard, milk filled breasts!!!! *LOL*.  My body is just so amazing! & I give thanks for my womanhood.

This baby of mine may still be little (& please don’t let her grow too fast!), but already that look of love in her eyes when she knows I’m about to nurse her. This is JOY.  Her eyes widen, those little baby sounds of delight & anticipation.  This is DEFINITELY joy!.

Pulling her close in bed at night so that my breathing is against her whole body & my breast is her pillow.  Waking to those snuffly sounds that indicate she’d like to nurse & in the dark of the night listening to her suckle.  Feeling the heavy warmth of the leg of my toddler thrown carelessly over my hip & knowing that it doesn’t get any better than this.  This is living. This is being alive.

Waking in the morning to damp & warm milky patches on the sheets & sweet, sleepy milk breathe.  Oh!, the nursing relationship.

This is my 3rd baby & it amazes me how much I’d forgotten (& it has only been 5 months since my breasts were last in use!).  It is such a relationship, with all the depths of feeling.  It is unique & special & a gift to have breasts to make milk & suckle your child/ren.  I give thanks for it.

Categories: Breastfeeding